Never Trust a Man Named Mike
by Scary Italian Hippos
Summary: What do you get when you mix an old shoe, a buffet, a million dollars, and a man named Mike? This story, of course! LotR people in this..I don't know why..they just are..o_O.I was in an odd mood when I wrote this, those spicy foods make me wig out a bit.
1. A Man Named Mike

Hello everyone! My name is Sara and this is my first story with FF.net, after several attempts to join. I'm so happy! Well, sadly, I had to include myself (Sara) and my bestest friend (Leah) in the story. It's okay, we're funny people. This is in script format. Did you want to know what 'Scary Italian Hippos' meant? Well, my friend (Leah) and myself often walk to Rita's Italian Ice since we live very close to it. There are those guys who play basketball and holler at you and such, you may know of people like this. We named them scary Italian hippos. There is just not enough time to explain it all to you, so maybe I will later. But onto the story. Proceed with caution, my dear friend. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~ ::Sara and Leah are sitting in an empty compartment on the Hogwarts express::  
  
Sara: YAY! I can't wait to get there! IM SO HAPPY ::bounces up and down::  
  
Leah: ::considers trying to calm Sara down, but gives up and starts jumping as well:: I here that there's new people coming from middle earth.o_o  
  
Sara: ::confused:: o_O whazzat?  
  
Leah: ::ponders:: I dunno? But my mom was from there, she's an elf.  
  
Sara: Hmm.aren't we too old to be going to Hogwarts?  
  
Leah: I don't know, how old are we?  
  
Sara: o_____o;; I don't know.  
  
::compartment door opens, and 3 strangers that we have never met walk in::  
  
Sara: o_o;; who are you?  
  
Harry: I'm Harry, Harry Potter.  
  
Leah: ARE YOU LIKE HARRY POTTER?  
  
Harry: O.o yeah.  
  
Leah: WOW YOU HAVE A SCAR TOO! ::points at harrys scar, then points at hers:: WERE SCAR BUDDIES!  
  
Sara: -_-;; sorry about my friend, shes a little ::points at head repetidly::  
  
Harry: ::ponders:: WOO SCAR BUDDIES! ::jumps up and down with leah::  
  
Sara: - -;; this is sad. Who, might I ask, are you? ::points at the other 2 people standing there, wondering why their friend is jumping up and down::  
  
Hermione: Oh! I'm Hermione Granger! I'm on Gryffindor, we all are. Since you have American accents im going to assume you're an exchange student from America, and that even though I highly doubt they will put you both in gryffindor, we will still always be around each other seeing as we are the only characters in the story so far ::pants, she said this all very fast::  
  
Leah: ::stops jumping:: o_o;; alright then, what's a Gryffindor?  
  
Hermione: There are 4 house teams, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw Hufflepuff and Slytherin and everyone is sorted into a house, and-  
  
Sara: Okee, I could care less, ill find out later.  
  
Leah: ::points at remaining person:: who is you?  
  
Ron: Oh, I'm Ron, Ron Weasley.  
  
Sara: 3__3  
  
Ron: 3__3  
  
Leah O_o;; otay.  
  
::compartment door opens, a bunch of people come in::  
  
Legolas: Hi I'm Legolas  
  
Leah: 3______3 are you an elf too? ::points at ears::  
  
Legolas: o_o yeah.  
  
Leah: WOW! ::jumps on Legolas, who falls over because she surprised him::  
  
Sara: Who are the rest of you?  
  
Frodo: Frodo  
  
Merry: Merry  
  
Pippin: Pippin  
  
Sam: Sam  
  
Sara: Sara  
  
Leah: Leah  
  
Legolas: Legolas  
  
Hermione: Hermione  
  
Ron: Ron  
  
Harry: Harry  
  
Bridget: ::comes out of nowhere:: Bridget.  
  
Sara: Where did you come from?  
  
Bridget: No where. ::nod::  
  
Everyone: o___O;;  
  
Frodo: 3__3 wow are you a hobbit too?  
  
Bridget: 3____3 ya  
  
Frodo: Wow.  
  
Bridget: ::jumps on Frodo::  
  
Leah: HELLO BRUZZER! ::hugs Frodo::  
  
Frodo: ^,^  
  
Sara: How can an elf and a hobbit be brothers?  
  
Leah: STOP ASKING QUESTIONS! NO MORE QUESTIONS!  
  
Legolas: where are we going?  
  
Hermione: Hogwarts  
  
Sam: .why?  
  
Sara: I dunno. HEY LOOK a seemingly useless old shoe! Let's all touch the old shoe at the same time, for no apparent reason!  
  
Everyone: o____O;; alright ::everyone touches the shoe, which ends up being a portkey, and suddenly feel as though they have strings pulling them from their belly buttons::  
  
::suddenly, everyone is on a deserted island that has a huge buffet on it::  
  
Sara: Hey, there's too many people in this story to keep track of, pippin, go kill merry.  
  
Pippin: _O ::starts twitching and looks like a maniac:: AHAHAHAHEHEHAGAGA  
  
Merry: O____O;; ::starts running as fast as he can::  
  
Sara: you can be creative. Stab him with a spoon.  
  
Hermione: this is pathetic, you're stabbing an innocent man with a bloody spoon? ::enunciates the word bloody because she's English and that's what English people say-bloody::  
  
Pippin: ::not understanding:: Oh, don't worry, it wont be bloody, ill clean it off first.  
  
Hermione: ::smacks head::  
  
Leah: ::spits in Frodo's eye::  
  
Frodo: x_o arg  
  
Bridget: ::jumps on Frodo:: ^,^ I love you Frodo!  
  
Frodo: I love you too Bridget! ^,^  
  
Sara: AWW ^,^  
  
Leah: ::spits in Frodo's other eye:: hehe  
  
Frodo: x_x ok now I cant see you, but I'm sure you look the same!  
  
Bridget: ^,^  
  
Sara: -_-;;  
  
Pippin: Do I get to kill Merry now?  
  
Sara: Sure!  
  
Merry: ::long gone::  
  
Pippin: OK I WANNA KILL SOMEONE! But who.? ::evil grin:: _O ::twitches like a maniac::  
  
Everyone else: ::runs as fast as their legs can carry them, unfortunately for Sam, that's not very fast, seeing as he's fat and slow::  
  
Sam: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Pippin: ::twitches and starts flipping out::  
  
HERE ARE THE FACTS:  
  
Pippin was later found fast asleep holding a coconut. Everyone else ran to the other side of the deserted island, only to find $1,000,000, which would have been great if there was anything to buy. They used it for firewood. Sam was never seen again.  
  
Frodo: o_o that was odd. Where did that big voice come from that said all that stuff? ::looks around::  
  
Big Voice: Oh ::cough:: from this speaker thing. Mike told me to say it.  
  
Hermione: Who's Mike?  
  
Big Voice: Uhm, that guy.  
  
Mike: Hello! ::waves, but really doesn't make a difference seeing as this big voice is invisible::  
  
Frodo: WHERE ARE YOU!?!? ::starts running around screaming obscenities with Leah::  
  
Sara: ::starts singing:: THE SUN WILL COME OUT! TOMARROW! BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT TOMMAR-::realizes everyone is scared because she just burst into song:: what?  
  
Everyone: O__O;;  
  
Bridget: Then where are you?  
  
Mike: Up here!  
  
Everyone: ::looks up and sees a big box with people in it::  
  
Mike: YOU'RE ON A REALITY GAME SHOW!  
  
Leah: don't you have to agree to do those? O__O ::scared::  
  
Mike: Not anymore. Not unless you tell anyone. ::tries to act like he's making sense, but he isn't a very good actor::  
  
Legolas: ::attempts to shoot self with arrow, but is stopped by Leah who falls onto him from onto of a tree:: ow.  
  
Harry: Ok then, can we leave? PLEASE! I WANT TO GO PLAY QUIDDITCH!  
  
Mike: What in holy grains name is quidditch?  
  
Harry: ::realizes that he's a muggle:: oof my bad yo.  
  
Leah: GO DIE! ::kicks Harry in the head:: yo yo yo brotha! ::ghetto pose::  
  
Everyone: -__-;;;;; ::thoroughly embarrassed::  
  
Sara: does this reality game show you speak of include a cash prize?  
  
Mike: Well, we did have $1,000,000 but we dropped it on the beach.any one seen it?  
  
::everyone gets mad because they remember that they used the $1,000,000 that they found as fire wood:: -___________-  
  
Pippin: THIS SUCKS! _O ::starts twitching some more:: I HATE THOSE GAME SHOWS! ::grabs Legolas's bow and attempts to shoot arrows at the box, but misses every shot, seeing as the bow itself is almost as big as him cause he's a hobbit::  
  
Mike: ::doesn't really care:: I'm going to go to my hotel now, bye!  
  
Everyone: THERES A HOTEL???? WHERE?!?  
  
Mike: Over there ::points a little to the east, and there is a big hotel right there, in plain view::  
  
Frodo: Ohhh. ::glances around:: um. I feel like saying some very wise words, so, URGLEPUFFS AND SPORKS!!! ::bows:: thank you, thank you, I'm here till Tuesday!  
  
Everyone: ::golf clap::  
  
Bridget: ::trips and falls onto Frodo:: ^,^  
  
Frodo: o_o;;  
  
Merry: Hey, guess what! I was in on it the whole time! Haha! You wont kill me, will you?  
  
Everyone: ::glares at Merry, because they all want to kill him::  
  
Mike: Don't worry, we have great consolation prizes!  
  
Harry: What would that be?  
  
Mike: FUZZY GREEN SWEATERS! ^,^ ::holds up fuzzy green sweaters, we all know now that mike is a little fruity::  
  
Ron: GREAT! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED. A FUZZY GREEN SWEATER! IVE BEEN ON THIS STUPID ISLAND FOR LIKE 3 HOURS AND ALLS I GET IS A FUZZY GREEN SWEATER?!?! IM GETTING A SUNBURN! GAH! BUGGER! UGLY GIT! STUPID PRAT! IM RUNNING OUT OF SODDY MEAN ENGLISH TERMS! GAH ::pants::  
  
::everyone, including Ron, gets scared since he's usually decently quiet and doesn't have sudden outbursts::  
  
Sara: ::singing some more:: THE SUN'LL COME OUT! TOMARROW! BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT TOMARROW! THERE'LL BE SUN! Jussssttt-::stops:: what? ::smacks everyone who's staring at her, which is everyone but herself::  
  
Legolas: Ok, lets get out of here!  
  
Harry: ::says some made up spell that if I knew it, I'd tell you, but I don't, so I wont- they all appear back on the Hogwart's express::  
  
Sara: O_O you could do that the whole time?!?!!  
  
Harry: well, yeah, I just always liked the beach.  
  
Sara: -______-;;;;;;;;; oh my god.  
  
WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THE STORY!  
  
Everyone went to Hogwarts.  
  
They always got top marks on everything.  
  
Pippin got help for his.problem.  
  
Merry is in hiding, with the witness protection program.  
  
Sam was never seen again.  
  
Sara and Ron got married.  
  
They're now the best couple to ever enter a polka contest.  
  
Leah and Legolas got married as well.  
  
Leah changed her name to Uruviel, because that's what it is in elvish.  
  
No one knows why.  
  
Bridget and Frodo got married too.  
  
They're the cutest hobbit couple ever.  
  
Harry was looking for a job when he found an add in the paper for being. a hairdresser o__o;;  
  
He is considered the greatest hairdresser of all time- another thing the boy who lived is famous for.  
  
Hermione went to be smart somewhere.  
  
No one really knows or cares what or where she is or does.  
  
Mike fell off that box thing he was in.  
  
No one cares, either.  
  
The T.V. show, aptly named "When Your on a Deserted Island With a Buffet on it and Don't Know Why" was a huge success, even more so than "Survivor"  
  
No one ever got any money, nor did they ever forgive themselves for burning $1,000,000.  
  
A word of advise.  
  
Wait until you've been on the island for more than 2 hours before burning money for wood.  
  
You will definitely regret it.  
  
Thank you, I'm here until Tuesday, as well.  
  
The end.or is it?  
  
You never know.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~  
  
So, what did you think? I love reviews ::wink:: Flames are OK, as long as they are constructive. I know it was a bit scary, but I have a lot of free time. So, maybe I'll post my other story. I ripped off a couple bits from Professor Charolette Snape.:D Hope she doesn't mind, I'll have to ask her before I post. Maybe if she reviews I will be lucky. Okee, chow doll. -Sara- 


	2. Author's Note

Hello everyone! I am just writing this to tell you that if I get a few reviews, I will write an after-story, which would consist of everybody's weddings and such.yeah. I'm pretty sure no one wants to read my story anyways, so I'll just sit in that corner over there and cry my way to sleep. Also, my sister (Emily) wrote a story about Draco Malfoy with a concience named Bob.o_O yup. Maybe I'll even write a REAL story, wouldn't that be magical. I'm going to go, I'm a bit hungry, good-day.  
  
Just a little more info on me, I'm an incredibly close to being 13 year old, and I live in Pennsylvania, where there is nothing to do but watch the horse and buggies. Just kidding, I don't live in Amish country because if I did this computer would be shunned upon by the face of evil.yes sir. Don't wanna mess with the Amish. O_o; Don't ask.  
  
*Sara* 


End file.
